Missing Bangladesh

Like a dream, I left Bangladesh thinking I was ready to leave, but now I'm back in Canada, thinking I haven't done enough and want to be back in conditions I became so accustomed to.

The days I spent in Uttara are still fresh - almost like I'm off on a holiday and will see my students in a couple days, jump on a local bus and survive the ride to Mohakhali to the Cholera Hospital on a scorching hot day. I developed the habit of wiping my orna (scarf) on my face to soak up the sweat, or cover my nose with it to block the upheaval of dust from entering my lungs... I'd travel on rickshaws almost daily for groceries or to recharge my mobile. I was getting used to bargaining 10 taka less on a kilo of oranges or a mosquito net... (that's about 7 cents CDN). The kittens outside my apartment were always around for a petting before I left for work and welcomed me home from a long day of what seemed like war. I had gotten to ask the neighbourhood children what myname was, by now they should know it for asking me so many times before! Amar nam ki?! The days spent at IUBAT seemed to just be getting better as I slowly knew more students and helped with English vocab or direct them to the right nursing textbooks - there was always a full days work in the office - preparing for lectures, marking assignments, reading clinical journals, taking a walk around the university with Reshmila, wondering what our lives entailed. Home became a safe place to reflect on the day, the interactions, the teaching, the culture, the language, (but also an exercise place for chasing roaches and sizzling mosquitoes)! These moments became a life that I loved, and I sincerely miss those days.

The students... I was just like them 4 years ago when I started my nursing education but very much a different context. Their experience became as important to me as it was to them, it seemed like I could feel and see what they did, but, how different it was! The resources? The value of nursing? The importance of health? The accessibility to adequate health services? Though I taught, coached, and lead, I gained so much more than I gave. I am grateful to the students for giving me a chance, the colleagues that gave me confidence, and the friends that trusted me.

My time was short, the places I went was limited, and my Bangla is still crap - nonetheless I can't add up how much this experience has taught me and continues to shape me. This only takes me one direction: to move forward, taking these lessons learned and experiences gathered for the next chapter in my life. The future is bright! :)

Amar students: onek onek donnhobhad...

eta cockroach, le ants, es spider...

Cockroaches roam the pantry and scare the hijebes outta me - buz around with their ugly wanna-be-masculine wings, and land on my shoulder. A hairy spider creeps around my washroom as I bathe, crawls towards the door and traps me inside, preventing me from running into my bedroom with soap and shampoo, screaming my head off (probably a good thing, seeing that my bedroom window directly faces the construction crew next door). Ants parade across the table as I try to concentrate on my typing, messing up my home-row, attracted to my sugared-glass of this rare find-of-Sprite, simultaneously spoiling my evening appetite. These are the black ants; the tiny red ones found their way into my oats last week, dangit! I ended up cooking them into oatmeal soup anyway - well, who can complain about getting some extra protein?! If ya can't beat 'em, eat 'em!

Thus, are some of my many encounters with these little buggers (aside from the spider - twas not a little thing, in factoid, the size of me hand). Its funny how I'm getting used to them creatures as part of my daily routine - EXCEPT that when the buzzing cockroach found it funny on my shoulder, I found it disgustingly annoying. Spose it'd help if I ate it too, just like the cats do?

ki? bhai, kanno? price koto?!

I walk out of the local market, pleased with my limited Bangla. Yes! My faux accent actually works in this country, little do people know exactly how bogus I am...


The colour and flair of Bangladesh is pompous and flamboyant. The streets are often decorated with sharees, salwaar kamees and punjabi's in rich, bold colours that jump at you before you expect it; the same goes for all sorts of transportation - bicycles to buses.

Life is vibrant in the city, life is rumbling, life is rich. From the ultra-poor to the richest-rich, I ain't see a developing capital like Dhaka. I took yesterday after clinical to explore - got on a local bus, called up my friend, and hung out. Its funny how I'm actually not that far from the city, but by bus, it takes up to an hour to get anywhere near central Dhaka! I am quite isolated where I live and work, and getting out into the capital really blows you away; coming home feels like I've been exhausted from multiple slaps in the face (in a good sense!) by the reality of it all.

outside inside

10/03/2008

It's taken me a while to be able to write again. No, I did not end up in an accident, get kidnapped, nor have I concussion - I'm in this completely different world of miniature NGO-nursey life and student-teacher relationship with Bangladeshi and Nepalese students. I'm certainly not 'oohing and ahhwing' at the near-death rickshaw rides, the mis-matched colors of local wear, or the hard and tough labour that the women carry on their heads. There was a time when I finally started to integrate and think, my home for now is Bangladesh, stating "amaar bashai dosh number sector, noy number road" (my home is in sector 10, road 9), picking up essentials at the local markets and strutting along busy roads like I own this town (which I really don't, but it feels like it!)

So, I started to see things in a different light, understanding the situation of nursing in Bangladesh more, and in general, just getting a hang of things. I miss home a handful of times, but I also enjoy my work, coming in and out of the hospital and the university with the students. I got a bit lost in work, and felt bummed out for a bit, but, I'm back in the flow, and I guess I can call this blog outside inside work. I went out for a bit today, and as the rickshawallah pulled me home, I smiled at the veggie boy who shouted "haii", took in a wiff of dusty roads the trucks left behind, appreciated the old men on the streets gently carving out carrots and cucumbers for their food stand. The reality of life here was hard to accept, but now its sunk in, and I live along side it. Well, this is my temporary home.

3 and a half months...

January 20, 2008 2312 hours, Uttara, Bangladesh

I sit under the moshori (mosquito net) wondering about what to write in this next, overdue blog entry. I’ve seen and experienced much in this past month, asking big questions and marvel about the next step in this journey. I have only a few hours before I wake up to lead 8 students on the wards of the country’s most respected hospital, however I can’t sleep; it wasn’t too long ago I stayed up long nights writing up drug cards and researching nursing care plans before clinicals, but now, reading and preparing myself to teach junior nurses on basic nursing skills. For how much I read, I always feel I’m not prepared enough or know enough to deliver information or carry out a class. I wonder if my past teachers also felt that way… oh how much I respect the perseverance of my tutors now more than ever!

Not too long ago, I made the decision I will return to Bangladesh… I know that I will want to see how things have progressed, and I know how much work is left to be done, and I also know that small steps will make small changes. I am learning to hold myself as a professional nurse and teacher, and how patience and determination will not fail as long as “giving up” is not an option. I anticipated prior to taking on this endeavor that I will be confronting the stark reality of uncertainty, and the art of compromise - coming from a society with the security and infrastructures that allows one to have a pretty stable upbringing compared to one with a scarcity of all that… at the time being, its finding the balance between the “ideal” and “less ideal.”

In a few months time, I will go home, and very likely be angry at things that I took for granted and scold others, pointing out how people half-way around the globe have far bigger issues to worry about than coffee breaks - but since when does that make significant changes?

I keep myself sane with the discovery of the local éclairs and chanachur, and watch pirated copies of LOST, and listen to the Fray on my iPod, with the sound of prayers in the distance. When I go home, I'd probably find the Albertan winters cold and bleak, lacking the colourful sights of rickshaws and sharee's drying in the wind. I’m still Katia, I just happened to have temporarily stepped into a world with so little of what I have been so blessed with.

5 and a half weeks…

November 14, 2007 2115 hours

The only busy thing to prep for today was N116 in the morning. I think I’m getting to like teaching as I do it a few more times. It is the satisfaction that knowledge is transferred, and then exploring creative ways to do so. I’m glad that I am teaching basic nursing skills (team teaching that is; otherwise things that become more advanced are just out of my league). The advantage of being basic nursing too, is that I can bring in simple lived experiences slowly, without the huge pressure that I haven’t actually professionally practiced nursing since grad.

Most of my work really should be ICT (Information and Communication Technology) work, however, some things need to keep going, and that is why I am lecturing 3 hours a week. I enjoy it, and value it. I have figured out education is an important piece to this work – any development work: the transfer of knowledge, and with knowledge is power.

I’m also grateful to be among such willing and able people whom put out lots of energy and effort to do such things – without expecting immediate, or any return, at all. I suppose this is the personal rewards one gains, and that in itself is admirable. I hope I can one day find the courage that these volunteers have.

Lately I’ve been getting waves of fever symptoms, where I feel fine in the daytime, then feverish in the evening. I wonder what that is all about… but I suppose I should get it checked. What a weird thing though…

November 26, 2007 2312, speaking to the world...

I’m back from another day at the hospital. I really enjoy being with the junior students; its like reliving my days as a student, but on the other side of it, and making it fun! I wish I had more knowledge though to be sure of terms and the textbooky things that the students ask me - I guess that would be the rewarding part to teaching: its teaching and learning at the same time!

Again, I had an hour to “wing it” before their infection control class, so I spent some time discussing reflective journal writing and its benefits; how to assess for pain using OPQRST pain scale; and lastly and most enjoyably, what brought these students to take nursing. Listening to their “why I came into nursing” stories helped to build rapport, and I am glad to have that open space with them. I really dislike being in authority, but I guess sometimes it just needs to happen to get things going… though it’s definitely comfortable to get to the students level, and understand their situation.

My highlight of the day… we were de-briefing on the day, and I re-iterated what the sister told these young ladies in my own words: don’t be afraid to be push your limits and continue to improve yourselves – although this hospital is a very nice hospital and recently approved to international standards, be constantly looking for ways to improve yourself and practice, as a nurse. We were standing out at the terrace, top floor of this renowned hospital, and I felt like speaking to the world when I did. The quote: “the sky is the limit,” was literal, and despite a previous post on the depressive state of nursing, something felt good today.

November 27, 2007 0730 apartment
I’m here over 5 weeks. I think I’m getting used to cold showers and laundry by hand, sleeping with socks to avoid mosquito bites to the feet in 28 degrees Celsius, and ahhh, nonetheless, the power shortages where I needed to feel for matches and candles in the dark. All is fun… last night, some Nepalese students invited us over to their apartments for mo-mo’s, or, in other words, modified Nepalese dim-sum! Oh it was delish (and a bit too spiced up for my taste-buds, but good)!

November 27, 2007 2254 apartment
Oreo came home. We all thought she (cat) had been killed… and what a funny thing, the night before, I was looking at my pictures in my “Bangladesh” folder, and I had this one picture with Oreo sleeping on my lap as I worked on my computer a few days into my stay here. She was the first thing that greeted me in the apartment when I got off the plane, and she had been gone for about 3 weeks – perhaps emotions can be felt across distances, but what a funny coincidence. I’m glad she’s back, she makes this place more lively, now that Deirdre has gone.

Hurricane Sidr

Just a brief call to the world: we are O.K, and survived the hurricane here in Uttara.

I experienced some extreme wind and rain the night that the storm came to Bangladesh, but nothing more than a day without power, tap water, and muddy backroads. You might have noticed on the news about the deaths in the coast. My heart goes to the families and friends affected by the disaster! News has said the death toll is up to 2000, but there could be more than that, considering the category 5 hurricane.

I am well and I am computer-less. For the time being, my Dell adapter blew/ fried/ whatever - it's not charging my battery, and I feel naked without my notebook I spent so much time with the past 3 years! SO, I will be temporary stalled for writing and doing my work here... but I'm surviving it, and keeping myself busy in other ways.

Cheers to the world,

Katia